Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Well, it's official. The Balki System is a hit! So much so that TV Guide felt it necessary to interview Larry and Balki after another great week of picking. Sure 9 wins and 7 losses isn't the best week for Larry and Balki but if they would've had a losing week they might not have run the article at all. Here's an excerpt:TV Guide: So Larry and Balki...you are the hottest football forecasters this side of Chicago, what is your secret?
Larry: Well, I have to say...it was my idea that Balki and I should enter a football pool. I knew we could run the table and really be a huge success.
TV Guide: Balki? What do you say to that?
Balki: Don't be ridiculous...Cosin' Larry had no idea who to pick. He never even follow football until Mr. Gorpley geeve him an entry form into Football water.
Larry: He means pool. And I've always been a Bears fan. I just wanted to involve my cousin in something we could do together so I let him pick. The NFL is so unpredictable these days that making picks every week is impossible.
TVG: For our readers, Balki, explain the Balki System.
Larry: Well, it's simple really...
Balki: Hold on Cosin', I believe it's called the Balki System and she ask me how it work.
Larry: Fine.
Balki: Well, I just look at two teams names and I pretend the two animals or types of people are in fight. Then I decide who win in a fight based on what I know of those animals or mascots.
TVG: Doesn't this get redundant since most teams are named after Cats or Birds?
Larry: Listen TV Guide person, this is a highly complex system...if it were that simple, we wouldn't have as good a record as we do.
TVG: Sounds pretty simple to me.
Balki: I show you with Week 13 picks.
TVG: Okay, Dazzle me.
END EXCERPT
Alright, now it's time for the Week 13 picks:
Game 1
Ravens at Bengals
I think a Bengal could pounce on a raven before it could fly away. Those things are strong and fast.
Pick: Bengals
Game 2
Cardinals at Rams
Cardinals don't really do anything but chirp and the Rams tendency to ram things works in it's favor.
Pick: Rams
Game 3
Falcons at Redskins
If someone has sunburn it makes it really hard to move with much fluidity. The Falcon is a fast bird who does not get sunburn
Pick: Falcons
Game 4
Lions at Patriots
Lions are proud and protective of their home...as are Patriots. Patriots aren't animal control experts but if a Lion moseys into America, better believe the Patriots will fight to the death to defend it.
Pick: Patriots
Game 5
Colts at Titans
Titans are large mythical beings, Colts are horses that actually exist. Um...I think we've done this one before. I'll go with the one that actually exists.
Pick: Colts
Game 6
Chiefs at Browns
All of the Chiefs people are encouraged to make healthy Brown bowel movements after dinner. However, they have the decency to bury them somewhere on the reservation.
Pick: Chiefs
Game 7
Vikings at Bears
The Weather is just starting to get cold. The Bears are weeks away from beginning to hibernate and they need to feast on something. Vikings are just as tasty as other types of mammals. They all taste like chicken anyway.
Pick: Bears
Game 8
Jets at Packers
The Packers are at home so they can't use their powers of packing to their advantage. The Jets on the other hand needed to use their special talent to high tail it to Wisconsin and still have some fuel in the tank.
Pick: Jets
Game 9
Chargers at Bills
"If you're going to keep charging, you're going to have to pay your bills" (actual 'Perfect Strangers' quote)
Pick: Bills
Game 10
49ers at Saints
The 49ers put their love of money ahead of their faith in god during the California Gold Rush. They don't give a damn about any Saints. Then again, they com from a city named after St. Francis.
Pick: Saints
Game 11
Texans at Raiders
While the Raiders are good at raiding other people's homes, Texans are succeeding in all states of the Union, including California.
Pick: Texans
Game 12
Jaguars at Dolphins
I always thought cats were sort of afraid of the water. No matter...they won't be able to threaten the Dolphins who can swim wherever they please.
Pick: Dolphins
Game 13
Cowboys at Giants
Giants are huge and can step on things and that's usually the avenue I take when picking them...
Pick: Giants
Game 14
Bucs at Steelers
The Steelers are the rugged individuals of industry, the Bucs are the rugged individuals of the high seas. This game isn't on the high seas.
Pick: Steelers
Game 15
Seahawks at Broncos
The Broncos live a mile high in the Denver, The Seahawks can fly that high so it's no problem.
Pick: Seahawks
Game 16
Panthers at Eagles
The Panthers can't reach the Eagles nest. And when they fly, no chance.
Pick: Eagles
Alright, there you have it for Week 13. Good luck to you and your teams.
Last Week
9-7
Season
100-76
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Last weekend was proof of just how well the Balki System works. Balki and Larry were having problems with electricity so they passed the picks on to their Russian counterparts Andrei and Ivan and just like that...9 wins, 7 losses. A victory for the Balki System, albeit a marginal one. Nonetheless the proof is in the pudding or picking. Balki and Larry are back on track this week and ready to do some damage. The following was overheard in the Balki System offices this following this weekend's slate of games.
Balki: Oh, Cosin...I so happy we take week off from making picks. I had not seen Maryann in so long my marbles were turning the color of a goat's testicles when he has not been having with a woman.
Larry: I know what you mean Balki. Jennifer really made it worth my while to spend a weekend away from the television.
Balki: This weekend Maryann and I make plans to bake a big batch of bing bong binki binki bakalava.
Larry: ...Bing bong binki binki bakalava?
Balki: Bingo!
Larry: Better not, buddy.
Balki: ...bummer.
Larry: Bitter, Balki?
Balki: You bet your Bibby Babkas I'm bitter, baby!
Larry: Balki, buddy, baby! Better be the best Balki you can be for betting the ball games! We need to pick winners! We can't fool around with Baking. Not with a full slate of games starting on Thursday.
Balki: But...
Larry: No buts...Just win, Balki!
END SCENE (some of which was lifted from actual show dialogue)
Now it's time to check out the slate for Week 12 and let the Balki System work its magic:
Game 1
Dolphins at Lions
Let's see...a Dolphin dried up laying in the Lion's den... on Thanksgiving no less! There's only one way to go here...
Pick: Lions
Game 2
Broncos at Chiefs
The Chiefs don't have much to be thankful for after the white man robbed them of their land and stuck them in Missouri. The Chiefs are at home and don't want to lose another bit of land to a bunch of horses.
Pick: Chiefs
Game 3
Buccaneers at Cowboys
The Bucs come a swashbucklin' into Texas but the Cowboy's come out a shootin'.
Pick: Cowboys
Game 4
Steelers at Ravens
Many of the Steelers didn't get the proper education and as a result are illiterate and have never read "The Raven". Which is quite the same because it's quite the harrowing tale.
Pick: Ravens
Game 5
Saints at Falcons
No matter how fast and high the Falcons can fly it's not as high as the exalted ruler the Saints answer to.
Pick: Saints
Game 6
Jaguars at Bills
I think Jaguars would eat a guy named Bill. Even if he were really likeable. I think I've used this reasoning somewhere before.
Pick: Jaguars
Game 7
Texans at Jets
Once again, the Texans stray far from home...New York to be exact and get burned up in the heat coming off the Jets.
Pick: Jets
Game 8
Bengals at Browns
A big fierce cat beats a color even if that color is worn by UPS guys.
Pick: Bengals
Game 9
Panthers at Redskins
The Panther raid on sacred Redskin ground might force the Skins to stay in their teepees until they leave.
Pick: Panthers
Game 10
Cardinals at Vikings
The pretty red bird is simply too oblivious to the debaucherous conquering ways of the Viking. The Vikings would be all conquering and stuff and the Cardinal would just be sitting there all defenseless like. You know what Imean.
Pick: Vikings
Game 11
49ers at Rams
The Rams may be charging full steam ahead at these gold miners but the 49ers probably have some pick axes with a bit of reach and they may not be afraid to use them.
Pick: 49ers (why not?)
Game 12
Raiders at Chargers
The Raiders enter San Diego covered in a whole lot of metal armor hell bent on pillaging the down but the Chargers are aware that the Raiders uniforms conduct electricity and are therefore easy targets.
Pick: Chargers
Game 13
Giants at Titans
Titans and Giants are virutally the same thing. They're both Mythological to some extent. I can't pick a tie though...
Pick: Giants
Game 14
Bears at Patriots
Everyone knows if you punch a bear in the nose they run away. Or is that a shark? Oh...I think that's a shark.
Pick: Bears
Game 15
Eagles at Colts
A healthy Colts is certainly more effective than an Eagle with it's head cut off.
Pick: Colts
Game 16
Packers at Seahawks
The Packers packed their raingear for the miserable weather of the pacific coast.
Pick: packers
Alright there you have it....The Balki System...Trudging along through another week. After going 9-7 last week Balki and Larry take their record to 91-69
Balki: Oh, Cosin...I so happy we take week off from making picks. I had not seen Maryann in so long my marbles were turning the color of a goat's testicles when he has not been having with a woman.
Larry: I know what you mean Balki. Jennifer really made it worth my while to spend a weekend away from the television.
Balki: This weekend Maryann and I make plans to bake a big batch of bing bong binki binki bakalava.
Larry: ...Bing bong binki binki bakalava?
Balki: Bingo!
Larry: Better not, buddy.
Balki: ...bummer.
Larry: Bitter, Balki?
Balki: You bet your Bibby Babkas I'm bitter, baby!
Larry: Balki, buddy, baby! Better be the best Balki you can be for betting the ball games! We need to pick winners! We can't fool around with Baking. Not with a full slate of games starting on Thursday.
Balki: But...
Larry: No buts...Just win, Balki!
END SCENE (some of which was lifted from actual show dialogue)
Now it's time to check out the slate for Week 12 and let the Balki System work its magic:
Game 1
Dolphins at Lions
Let's see...a Dolphin dried up laying in the Lion's den... on Thanksgiving no less! There's only one way to go here...
Pick: Lions
Game 2
Broncos at Chiefs
The Chiefs don't have much to be thankful for after the white man robbed them of their land and stuck them in Missouri. The Chiefs are at home and don't want to lose another bit of land to a bunch of horses.
Pick: Chiefs
Game 3
Buccaneers at Cowboys
The Bucs come a swashbucklin' into Texas but the Cowboy's come out a shootin'.
Pick: Cowboys
Game 4
Steelers at Ravens
Many of the Steelers didn't get the proper education and as a result are illiterate and have never read "The Raven". Which is quite the same because it's quite the harrowing tale.
Pick: Ravens
Game 5
Saints at Falcons
No matter how fast and high the Falcons can fly it's not as high as the exalted ruler the Saints answer to.
Pick: Saints
Game 6
Jaguars at Bills
I think Jaguars would eat a guy named Bill. Even if he were really likeable. I think I've used this reasoning somewhere before.
Pick: Jaguars
Game 7
Texans at Jets
Once again, the Texans stray far from home...New York to be exact and get burned up in the heat coming off the Jets.
Pick: Jets
Game 8
Bengals at Browns
A big fierce cat beats a color even if that color is worn by UPS guys.
Pick: Bengals
Game 9
Panthers at Redskins
The Panther raid on sacred Redskin ground might force the Skins to stay in their teepees until they leave.
Pick: Panthers
Game 10
Cardinals at Vikings
The pretty red bird is simply too oblivious to the debaucherous conquering ways of the Viking. The Vikings would be all conquering and stuff and the Cardinal would just be sitting there all defenseless like. You know what Imean.
Pick: Vikings
Game 11
49ers at Rams
The Rams may be charging full steam ahead at these gold miners but the 49ers probably have some pick axes with a bit of reach and they may not be afraid to use them.
Pick: 49ers (why not?)
Game 12
Raiders at Chargers
The Raiders enter San Diego covered in a whole lot of metal armor hell bent on pillaging the down but the Chargers are aware that the Raiders uniforms conduct electricity and are therefore easy targets.
Pick: Chargers
Game 13
Giants at Titans
Titans and Giants are virutally the same thing. They're both Mythological to some extent. I can't pick a tie though...
Pick: Giants
Game 14
Bears at Patriots
Everyone knows if you punch a bear in the nose they run away. Or is that a shark? Oh...I think that's a shark.
Pick: Bears
Game 15
Eagles at Colts
A healthy Colts is certainly more effective than an Eagle with it's head cut off.
Pick: Colts
Game 16
Packers at Seahawks
The Packers packed their raingear for the miserable weather of the pacific coast.
Pick: packers
Alright there you have it....The Balki System...Trudging along through another week. After going 9-7 last week Balki and Larry take their record to 91-69
Friday, November 17, 2006
Well, this week has not been so good at the Balki System. For some reason or another the internet connection is out at the office. Maybe it's because Larry forgot to pay the bill. He's been spending all of his money on hookers and blow instead of for practical purposes like bills, food, and more blow.
However, Balki did the sensible thing as he had enough money saved up and sent a telegram to his Russian Counterparts and stars of "Братья по-разному", (which translates into "Different Brothers") Andrei and Ivan. Here's how things went down when Andrei and Ivan received their telegram.
(I'm not sure which one is supposed to be wacky and different and which one is supposed to be straight laced so I wrote accordingly).
Andrei: , который стартует на канале РЕН ТВ в начале нового телесезона, оказалась.
Ivan: днако в один прекрасный день, подобно грому среди ясного неба, к нему!
Andrei: день?
Ivan: городского и природного восприятия жизни, особенности национального менталитета, бытовая сметка Ивана и житейская неуклюжесть Андрея, приводят к невероятным коллизиям и сюжетным хи.
Andrei: самого широкого круга зрителей.
Ivan: людьми и...
Andrei: людьми и столичного воспитания, он, скорее, похож на большого ребенка.
Ivan: реалиях современной московской жизни. У себя в ауле Иван работал чабаном в колхозе.
Andrei: Братья начинают жить в одной квартире и вместе работать в магази.
Ivan: комичных и сложных ситуаций, которые, зачастую, сами же и создают!
END SCENE
Now onto the Week 11 Picks:
Game 1
Ravens at Falcons
In former Soviet Union Ravens are stronger than Falcons.
Pick: Ravens
Game 2
Bills at Texans
In former Soviet Union there is no Texas but there is a Georgia.
Pick: Bills
Game 3
Bears at Jets
In former Soviet Union we had Missiles with Jets pointed at both New York and Chicago. But in Russia Bear is national symbol of strength.
Pick: Bears
Game 4
Bengals at Saints
In former Soviet Union we practice Russian Orthodox religion and have many Saints but no Bengal Tiger.
Pick: Saints
Game 5
Dolphins at Vikings
In former Soviet Union water is too cold for Dolphins but we are not so far from where the Vikings live.
Pick: Vikings
Game 6
Patriots at Packers
In former Soviet Union we were not so patriotic under oppressive communist system. Now we have freedom... and we no want to pack up and leave. What a country!
Pick: Patriots
Game 7
Raiders at Chiefs
In former Soviet Union, KGB Chief keep watchful eye over everyone. He is gone now.
Pick: Raiders
Game 8
Steelers at Browns
In former Soviet Union Steel Workers were important part of Country but had no benefits. Now under new Capitalist system steel workers be making nicer money with shorter hours.
Pick: Steelers
Game 9
Rams at Panthers
In former Soviet Union during World War 2 soldiers fight off Nazis driving Panther tanks ramming them into the ground.
Pick: Rams
Game 10
Titans at Eagles
In former Soviet Union we do not believe in greek mythology.
Pick: Eagles
Game 11
Redskins at Buccaneers
In former Soviet Union, Red is a color of pride.
Pick: Redskins
Game 12
Lions at Cardinals
Cardinal is Red Bird. We talk about this last game.
Pick: Cardinals
Game 13
Seahawks at 49ers
In former Soviet Russia if you find gold government take it away. Now you keep it. Also, 49ers have red uniforms.
Pick: 49ers
Game 14
Colts at Cowboys
In former Soviet Union were not allowed to see American Yankee Cowboy Movies with John Wayne but now like very much.
Pick; Cowboys
Game 15
Chargers at Broncos
In former Soviet Union most things not run by electricity. We even get transported by horse but now we are very much having electricity.
Pick: Chargers
Game 16
Giants at Jaguars
In former Soviet Russia we believed that all of the people together are better than one Giant but now we all want make money and be independent and wealthy. We have not seen any Jaguars.
Pick: Giants
Last week Comrades Balki and Larry go with 10 wins and 6 losses. Bringing they're season total to 82-62.
Good luck to our picks for them.
However, Balki did the sensible thing as he had enough money saved up and sent a telegram to his Russian Counterparts and stars of "Братья по-разному", (which translates into "Different Brothers") Andrei and Ivan. Here's how things went down when Andrei and Ivan received their telegram.
(I'm not sure which one is supposed to be wacky and different and which one is supposed to be straight laced so I wrote accordingly).
Andrei: , который стартует на канале РЕН ТВ в начале нового телесезона, оказалась.
Ivan: днако в один прекрасный день, подобно грому среди ясного неба, к нему!
Andrei: день?
Ivan: городского и природного восприятия жизни, особенности национального менталитета, бытовая сметка Ивана и житейская неуклюжесть Андрея, приводят к невероятным коллизиям и сюжетным хи.
Andrei: самого широкого круга зрителей.
Ivan: людьми и...
Andrei: людьми и столичного воспитания, он, скорее, похож на большого ребенка.
Ivan: реалиях современной московской жизни. У себя в ауле Иван работал чабаном в колхозе.
Andrei: Братья начинают жить в одной квартире и вместе работать в магази.
Ivan: комичных и сложных ситуаций, которые, зачастую, сами же и создают!
END SCENE
Now onto the Week 11 Picks:
Game 1
Ravens at Falcons
In former Soviet Union Ravens are stronger than Falcons.
Pick: Ravens
Game 2
Bills at Texans
In former Soviet Union there is no Texas but there is a Georgia.
Pick: Bills
Game 3
Bears at Jets
In former Soviet Union we had Missiles with Jets pointed at both New York and Chicago. But in Russia Bear is national symbol of strength.
Pick: Bears
Game 4
Bengals at Saints
In former Soviet Union we practice Russian Orthodox religion and have many Saints but no Bengal Tiger.
Pick: Saints
Game 5
Dolphins at Vikings
In former Soviet Union water is too cold for Dolphins but we are not so far from where the Vikings live.
Pick: Vikings
Game 6
Patriots at Packers
In former Soviet Union we were not so patriotic under oppressive communist system. Now we have freedom... and we no want to pack up and leave. What a country!
Pick: Patriots
Game 7
Raiders at Chiefs
In former Soviet Union, KGB Chief keep watchful eye over everyone. He is gone now.
Pick: Raiders
Game 8
Steelers at Browns
In former Soviet Union Steel Workers were important part of Country but had no benefits. Now under new Capitalist system steel workers be making nicer money with shorter hours.
Pick: Steelers
Game 9
Rams at Panthers
In former Soviet Union during World War 2 soldiers fight off Nazis driving Panther tanks ramming them into the ground.
Pick: Rams
Game 10
Titans at Eagles
In former Soviet Union we do not believe in greek mythology.
Pick: Eagles
Game 11
Redskins at Buccaneers
In former Soviet Union, Red is a color of pride.
Pick: Redskins
Game 12
Lions at Cardinals
Cardinal is Red Bird. We talk about this last game.
Pick: Cardinals
Game 13
Seahawks at 49ers
In former Soviet Russia if you find gold government take it away. Now you keep it. Also, 49ers have red uniforms.
Pick: 49ers
Game 14
Colts at Cowboys
In former Soviet Union were not allowed to see American Yankee Cowboy Movies with John Wayne but now like very much.
Pick; Cowboys
Game 15
Chargers at Broncos
In former Soviet Union most things not run by electricity. We even get transported by horse but now we are very much having electricity.
Pick: Chargers
Game 16
Giants at Jaguars
In former Soviet Russia we believed that all of the people together are better than one Giant but now we all want make money and be independent and wealthy. We have not seen any Jaguars.
Pick: Giants
Last week Comrades Balki and Larry go with 10 wins and 6 losses. Bringing they're season total to 82-62.
Good luck to our picks for them.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Another week down to the wire with the Balki System. Last week Larry and Balki waited until Sunday to make their picks and well, they only broke even. That's okay though, since the Balki System doesn't really rely on any knowledge and really the picks can be made as soon as the NFL schedule comes out several months before the season. That's the beauty of the Balki Season. As it were...Sundays picks have yet to be made... The following was overheard at the Balki System offices.
Larry: Balki...You've really gotten lazy with these picks. The last 2 weeks you've let it go down to the wire.
Balki: Oh Cosin Lari, you know worry. Everything will be okay. I make picks in a few minutes.
Larry: Balki the games will be on a few minutes.
Balki: Get out of the city...I know this. In Mypos we chave saying..."Never pick a sheep until you're sure". But of course we usually do traditional dance of joy and bibby bobka meal before picking our sheep.
Larry: Well then I'm ready to do the dance of Joy if you are.
Balki: You got it dude.
Larry: Balki, that's the wrong TGIF show.
Balki: Don't be ridiculous...
END SCENE
Week 10
Game 1
Ravens at Titans
Everytime those Titans try to score the Ravens open their beaks and say "Nevermore".
Pick: Ravens
Game 2
Bills at Colts
Horseys never get Bills delivered to their homes and when these Bills arrive they just sort of ignore them because horseys don't have credit to ruin.
Pick: Colts
Game 3
Browns at Falcons
The Browns are a color, The Falcons are a really fast bird. I think Falcons also have white poop, so the Browns don't really have any place here.
Pick: Falcons
Game 4
Packers at Vikings
The Packers pack their bags for Minnesota's dome thinking it's warm inside the dome and that they could wear shorts. However, they totally overlooked that they were playing Vikings and didn't bring anything other than shorts and t-shirts.
Pick: Vikings
Game 5
Texans at Jaguars
We all know what happens when Texans leave home...They're not in Texas anymore and thus must meagerly defend themselves against the elements of other states. This time they run into a pack of Jaguars in Florida. I don't like their chances.
Pick: Jaguars
Game 6
Chiefs at Dolphins
Chief isn't know for his mighty prowess on the high seas. He's more of an inland guy.
Pick: Dolphins
Game 7
Jets at Patriots
Remember when the Patriot Missile was knocking down all of those SCUDs. Well those were most likely propelled by Jets. However, so were the SCUDs. If it's a question of firepower I'd lean towards the Jets but those damn Patriots were just so efficient.
Pick: Patriots
Game 8
Chargers at Bengals
I've never thought about Bengals and Electricity before...I don't think Bengals have either. They're in for quite a shock.
Pick: Chargers
Game 9
49ers at Lions
Luckily on their Trip out west the 49ers never had to encounter Lions. Unfortunately they have to make a trip straight into the Lions den this weekend.
Pick: Lions
Game 10
Redskins at Eagles
When the Redskin goes into the Eagles home he is respectful and thus allows him to fly all over the place whenever he pleases.
Pick: Eagles
Game 11
Broncos at Raiders
The Raiders are only good when they raid. They are horrible hosts.
Pick: Broncos
Game 12
Saints at Steelers
The Saints go to visit the foul mouthed blue-collar steel workers and are completely apalled at their crassness. Instead of attempting to change their vulgar ways, they turn right back around in horror.
Pick: Steelers
Game 13
Cowboys at Cardinals
The Cowboys come into Cardinal land with their guns-ablazin' and since there's nothing else to shoot at...they open fire on them there cardinals in that there nest.
Pick: Cowboys
Game 14
Rams at Seahawks
Someone herded them sheep all the way to Seattle where it rains all of the time leaving the Rams with waterlogged wool sweater.
Pick: Seahawks
Game 15
Bears at Giants
The Giant is probably one of the only opponents equipped to beat the Bear. No matter how big the Bear, he'd probably only get to do a little ankle gnawing before the Giant flicks him off and steps on him.
Pick: Giants
Game 16
Bucs at Panthers
The Buccaneers leave the water and head inland to see a Panther about being lunch without the high seas as a defense mechanism.
Pick: Panthers
There you have it folks...The Balki System picks for Week 10. Good luck to you and all of your teams. Larry and Balki will certainly be pulling for you as long as you made the same picks.
Week 9 Results
7-7
Season
72-56
Larry: Balki...You've really gotten lazy with these picks. The last 2 weeks you've let it go down to the wire.
Balki: Oh Cosin Lari, you know worry. Everything will be okay. I make picks in a few minutes.
Larry: Balki the games will be on a few minutes.
Balki: Get out of the city...I know this. In Mypos we chave saying..."Never pick a sheep until you're sure". But of course we usually do traditional dance of joy and bibby bobka meal before picking our sheep.
Larry: Well then I'm ready to do the dance of Joy if you are.
Balki: You got it dude.
Larry: Balki, that's the wrong TGIF show.
Balki: Don't be ridiculous...
END SCENE
Week 10
Game 1
Ravens at Titans
Everytime those Titans try to score the Ravens open their beaks and say "Nevermore".
Pick: Ravens
Game 2
Bills at Colts
Horseys never get Bills delivered to their homes and when these Bills arrive they just sort of ignore them because horseys don't have credit to ruin.
Pick: Colts
Game 3
Browns at Falcons
The Browns are a color, The Falcons are a really fast bird. I think Falcons also have white poop, so the Browns don't really have any place here.
Pick: Falcons
Game 4
Packers at Vikings
The Packers pack their bags for Minnesota's dome thinking it's warm inside the dome and that they could wear shorts. However, they totally overlooked that they were playing Vikings and didn't bring anything other than shorts and t-shirts.
Pick: Vikings
Game 5
Texans at Jaguars
We all know what happens when Texans leave home...They're not in Texas anymore and thus must meagerly defend themselves against the elements of other states. This time they run into a pack of Jaguars in Florida. I don't like their chances.
Pick: Jaguars
Game 6
Chiefs at Dolphins
Chief isn't know for his mighty prowess on the high seas. He's more of an inland guy.
Pick: Dolphins
Game 7
Jets at Patriots
Remember when the Patriot Missile was knocking down all of those SCUDs. Well those were most likely propelled by Jets. However, so were the SCUDs. If it's a question of firepower I'd lean towards the Jets but those damn Patriots were just so efficient.
Pick: Patriots
Game 8
Chargers at Bengals
I've never thought about Bengals and Electricity before...I don't think Bengals have either. They're in for quite a shock.
Pick: Chargers
Game 9
49ers at Lions
Luckily on their Trip out west the 49ers never had to encounter Lions. Unfortunately they have to make a trip straight into the Lions den this weekend.
Pick: Lions
Game 10
Redskins at Eagles
When the Redskin goes into the Eagles home he is respectful and thus allows him to fly all over the place whenever he pleases.
Pick: Eagles
Game 11
Broncos at Raiders
The Raiders are only good when they raid. They are horrible hosts.
Pick: Broncos
Game 12
Saints at Steelers
The Saints go to visit the foul mouthed blue-collar steel workers and are completely apalled at their crassness. Instead of attempting to change their vulgar ways, they turn right back around in horror.
Pick: Steelers
Game 13
Cowboys at Cardinals
The Cowboys come into Cardinal land with their guns-ablazin' and since there's nothing else to shoot at...they open fire on them there cardinals in that there nest.
Pick: Cowboys
Game 14
Rams at Seahawks
Someone herded them sheep all the way to Seattle where it rains all of the time leaving the Rams with waterlogged wool sweater.
Pick: Seahawks
Game 15
Bears at Giants
The Giant is probably one of the only opponents equipped to beat the Bear. No matter how big the Bear, he'd probably only get to do a little ankle gnawing before the Giant flicks him off and steps on him.
Pick: Giants
Game 16
Bucs at Panthers
The Buccaneers leave the water and head inland to see a Panther about being lunch without the high seas as a defense mechanism.
Pick: Panthers
There you have it folks...The Balki System picks for Week 10. Good luck to you and all of your teams. Larry and Balki will certainly be pulling for you as long as you made the same picks.
Week 9 Results
7-7
Season
72-56
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Things really got down to the wire this week. Balki and Larry have been so relaxed they're letting things slide to the last minute. Which led to this exchange in the apartment of Balki and Cosin Larry Appleton.
Larry: Balki wake up. It's Sunday morning and we haven't made our football picks yet.
Balki: Don't be ridiculous, it's Saturday. We turned the day back last weekend.
Larry: Balki, we only roll the clock back an hour for daylight savings.
Balki: Get out of the city!
Larry: Balki this is serious, our whole income depends on Sunday afternoons.
Balki: Okay, don't get your sheep in a panic...dis will be as easy as bibby bobka. You don't worry about a thing Cosin Larry Appleton.
Larry: (shoves newspaper in the balki's face) You look at the games. I'll call the bookie.
Balki: I don't see want called a man who likes books has to do with it.
Larry: (gives angry misunderstanding face) Just make the picks and I'll handle the arrangements.
Balki: Okay Cosin, I do it.
END SCENE
Game 1
Texans at Giants
The Texans always get lost in any other place than Texas.
Pick: Giants
Game 2
Saints at Buccaneers
The Saints come into the Bucs home on somewhat of a religious mission. Unfortunately, the only religion the Bucs care about involves Rum and the High Seas.
Pick: Bucs
Game 3
Packers at Bills
The Packers are packed up and ready to go to Buffalo but they only brought fall attire. However, the weather can be unpredictable in Buffalo this time of year. It can be sunny and 50 or it can snow 2 feet on you. There's no way to pack for that.
Pick: Bills
Game 4
Cowboys at Redskins
The white man forced the native americans from their homes and forced them to move into a small stadium in our nation's capital so that they could keep an eye on them.
Pick: Cowboys
Game 5
Dolphins at Bears
There is no way a Dolphin could go into a bear cave and make it out alive. I mean besides the fact that there is no physical way the Dolphin could actually make the trip, the Dolphins has no water to swim in. Poor Dolphin.
Pick: Bear
Game 6
Titans at Jaguars
I couldn't really see Harry Hamlin facing off with a Jaguar and making it out alive.
Pick: Jaguars
Game 7
Falcons at Lions
When a Falcon visits the King of the Jungle at home he must be a respectful guest or risk winding up as dinner...or lunch depending on the time.
Pick: Lions
Game 8
Bengals at Ravens
Ravens have been known to feed on berries, eggs, insects, and rotting flesh. Bengals have been known to at times prey on a hippo or elephant making the Bengal more fearsome. Plus, they've been known to be able to drag things that up to 13 men can't move. That's a lot of strength. Sorry Raven.
Pick: Bengals
Game 9
Broncos at Steelers
I can see the Broncos making it to steel town, but I can't see them getting into the factory where the steel making magic happens. Horses are all legs and no opposable thumbs.
Pick: Steelers
Game 10
Chiefs at Rams
Chief Running Water feels at harmony with the land and all of it's animals, including the Ram. He is a man of nature and respects all of its creatures.
Pick: Chiefs
Game 11
Vikings at 49ers
The Vikings are known for conquering and the 49ers are known for looking for gold. I say the Vikings come into 49er territory, and do some conquering as well as some stealing of 49er gold.
Pick: Vikings
Game 12
Browns at Chargers
Chargers electrical current versus the color Brown. I go with the electrical current. Cleveland should of thought of this before naming their team after a color.
Pick: Chargers
Game 13
Colts at Patriots
The Americans vs. The Horseys. Well, hmm...Paul Revere rode a horsey to warn everyone that the British were coming so I'll go with the Patriots because they can ride Horseys.
Pick: Patriots
Game 14
Raiders at Seahawks
The Raiders come into Seahawk land only to realize that them pesky Seahawks are all the way up in the sky and kind of hard targets with all of that moving around and flying they do.
Pick: Seahawks
Okay folks there you have it. We're ready for another week of football. After a 7-7 week last week Balki and Larry are looking for another big week to sate their thirst for extravagant things. Let's hope it works out.
Week 8 Picks 7-7
Season
65-49
Larry: Balki wake up. It's Sunday morning and we haven't made our football picks yet.
Balki: Don't be ridiculous, it's Saturday. We turned the day back last weekend.
Larry: Balki, we only roll the clock back an hour for daylight savings.
Balki: Get out of the city!
Larry: Balki this is serious, our whole income depends on Sunday afternoons.
Balki: Okay, don't get your sheep in a panic...dis will be as easy as bibby bobka. You don't worry about a thing Cosin Larry Appleton.
Larry: (shoves newspaper in the balki's face) You look at the games. I'll call the bookie.
Balki: I don't see want called a man who likes books has to do with it.
Larry: (gives angry misunderstanding face) Just make the picks and I'll handle the arrangements.
Balki: Okay Cosin, I do it.
END SCENE
Game 1
Texans at Giants
The Texans always get lost in any other place than Texas.
Pick: Giants
Game 2
Saints at Buccaneers
The Saints come into the Bucs home on somewhat of a religious mission. Unfortunately, the only religion the Bucs care about involves Rum and the High Seas.
Pick: Bucs
Game 3
Packers at Bills
The Packers are packed up and ready to go to Buffalo but they only brought fall attire. However, the weather can be unpredictable in Buffalo this time of year. It can be sunny and 50 or it can snow 2 feet on you. There's no way to pack for that.
Pick: Bills
Game 4
Cowboys at Redskins
The white man forced the native americans from their homes and forced them to move into a small stadium in our nation's capital so that they could keep an eye on them.
Pick: Cowboys
Game 5
Dolphins at Bears
There is no way a Dolphin could go into a bear cave and make it out alive. I mean besides the fact that there is no physical way the Dolphin could actually make the trip, the Dolphins has no water to swim in. Poor Dolphin.
Pick: Bear
Game 6
Titans at Jaguars
I couldn't really see Harry Hamlin facing off with a Jaguar and making it out alive.
Pick: Jaguars
Game 7
Falcons at Lions
When a Falcon visits the King of the Jungle at home he must be a respectful guest or risk winding up as dinner...or lunch depending on the time.
Pick: Lions
Game 8
Bengals at Ravens
Ravens have been known to feed on berries, eggs, insects, and rotting flesh. Bengals have been known to at times prey on a hippo or elephant making the Bengal more fearsome. Plus, they've been known to be able to drag things that up to 13 men can't move. That's a lot of strength. Sorry Raven.
Pick: Bengals
Game 9
Broncos at Steelers
I can see the Broncos making it to steel town, but I can't see them getting into the factory where the steel making magic happens. Horses are all legs and no opposable thumbs.
Pick: Steelers
Game 10
Chiefs at Rams
Chief Running Water feels at harmony with the land and all of it's animals, including the Ram. He is a man of nature and respects all of its creatures.
Pick: Chiefs
Game 11
Vikings at 49ers
The Vikings are known for conquering and the 49ers are known for looking for gold. I say the Vikings come into 49er territory, and do some conquering as well as some stealing of 49er gold.
Pick: Vikings
Game 12
Browns at Chargers
Chargers electrical current versus the color Brown. I go with the electrical current. Cleveland should of thought of this before naming their team after a color.
Pick: Chargers
Game 13
Colts at Patriots
The Americans vs. The Horseys. Well, hmm...Paul Revere rode a horsey to warn everyone that the British were coming so I'll go with the Patriots because they can ride Horseys.
Pick: Patriots
Game 14
Raiders at Seahawks
The Raiders come into Seahawk land only to realize that them pesky Seahawks are all the way up in the sky and kind of hard targets with all of that moving around and flying they do.
Pick: Seahawks
Okay folks there you have it. We're ready for another week of football. After a 7-7 week last week Balki and Larry are looking for another big week to sate their thirst for extravagant things. Let's hope it works out.
Week 8 Picks 7-7
Season
65-49
