The Balki System

Well, it's official. The Balki System is a hit! So much so that TV Guide felt it necessary to interview Larry and Balki after another great week of picking. Sure 9 wins and 7 losses isn't the best week for Larry and Balki but if they would've had a losing week they might not have run the article at all. Here's an excerpt:

TV Guide: So Larry and Balki...you are the hottest football forecasters this side of Chicago, what is your secret?

Larry: Well, I have to say...it was my idea that Balki and I should enter a football pool. I knew we could run the table and really be a huge success.

TV Guide: Balki? What do you say to that?

Balki: Don't be ridiculous...Cosin' Larry had no idea who to pick. He never even follow football until Mr. Gorpley geeve him an entry form into Football water.

Larry: He means pool. And I've always been a Bears fan. I just wanted to involve my cousin in something we could do together so I let him pick. The NFL is so unpredictable these days that making picks every week is impossible.

TVG: For our readers, Balki, explain the Balki System.

Larry: Well, it's simple really...

Balki: Hold on Cosin', I believe it's called the Balki System and she ask me how it work.

Larry: Fine.

Balki: Well, I just look at two teams names and I pretend the two animals or types of people are in fight. Then I decide who win in a fight based on what I know of those animals or mascots.

TVG: Doesn't this get redundant since most teams are named after Cats or Birds?

Larry: Listen TV Guide person, this is a highly complex system...if it were that simple, we wouldn't have as good a record as we do.

TVG: Sounds pretty simple to me.

Balki: I show you with Week 13 picks.

TVG: Okay, Dazzle me.

END EXCERPT

Alright, now it's time for the Week 13 picks:

Game 1
Ravens at Bengals
I think a Bengal could pounce on a raven before it could fly away. Those things are strong and fast.

Pick: Bengals

Game 2
Cardinals at Rams
Cardinals don't really do anything but chirp and the Rams tendency to ram things works in it's favor.

Pick: Rams

Game 3
Falcons at Redskins
If someone has sunburn it makes it really hard to move with much fluidity. The Falcon is a fast bird who does not get sunburn

Pick: Falcons

Game 4
Lions at Patriots
Lions are proud and protective of their home...as are Patriots. Patriots aren't animal control experts but if a Lion moseys into America, better believe the Patriots will fight to the death to defend it.

Pick: Patriots

Game 5
Colts at Titans
Titans are large mythical beings, Colts are horses that actually exist. Um...I think we've done this one before. I'll go with the one that actually exists.

Pick: Colts

Game 6
Chiefs at Browns
All of the Chiefs people are encouraged to make healthy Brown bowel movements after dinner. However, they have the decency to bury them somewhere on the reservation.

Pick: Chiefs

Game 7
Vikings at Bears
The Weather is just starting to get cold. The Bears are weeks away from beginning to hibernate and they need to feast on something. Vikings are just as tasty as other types of mammals. They all taste like chicken anyway.

Pick: Bears

Game 8
Jets at Packers
The Packers are at home so they can't use their powers of packing to their advantage. The Jets on the other hand needed to use their special talent to high tail it to Wisconsin and still have some fuel in the tank.

Pick: Jets

Game 9
Chargers at Bills
"If you're going to keep charging, you're going to have to pay your bills" (actual 'Perfect Strangers' quote)

Pick: Bills

Game 10
49ers at Saints
The 49ers put their love of money ahead of their faith in god during the California Gold Rush. They don't give a damn about any Saints. Then again, they com from a city named after St. Francis.

Pick: Saints

Game 11
Texans at Raiders
While the Raiders are good at raiding other people's homes, Texans are succeeding in all states of the Union, including California.

Pick: Texans

Game 12
Jaguars at Dolphins
I always thought cats were sort of afraid of the water. No matter...they won't be able to threaten the Dolphins who can swim wherever they please.

Pick: Dolphins

Game 13
Cowboys at Giants
Giants are huge and can step on things and that's usually the avenue I take when picking them...

Pick: Giants

Game 14
Bucs at Steelers
The Steelers are the rugged individuals of industry, the Bucs are the rugged individuals of the high seas. This game isn't on the high seas.

Pick: Steelers

Game 15
Seahawks at Broncos
The Broncos live a mile high in the Denver, The Seahawks can fly that high so it's no problem.

Pick: Seahawks

Game 16
Panthers at Eagles
The Panthers can't reach the Eagles nest. And when they fly, no chance.

Pick: Eagles

Alright, there you have it for Week 13. Good luck to you and your teams.


Last Week
9-7

Season
100-76