The Balki System

We’ve made it 14 weeks into the NFL Season and despite our early struggles it looks like the Balki System is passing muster. Sure, we had our trying times. There was one point in the season that we thought we were going to have to go on the lam from our bookie. We even went to a secret log cabin hideaway for a few days. We held out and things blew over and now we’ve hit the big time of Pigskin Prediction.

Yes, even the well known Prognosticators have bowed their heads in reverence to the Balki System. The Balki System has even managed to get Balki and Larry new celebrity girlfriends. That’s right they ditched those sorry asses Jennifer and Maryann and they’ve been seen around town with the likes of Omarossa and Melanie Griffith (amongst others) respectively. They even brought them into the offices to take a look at their operation.

The following conversation was overheard at the Balki System offices this week:

Larry: So ladies, this is where the magic happens

MG: In the hallway?

Larry: I was talking about the entire office.

MG: My magic happens usually in the bed…or a hat….with Antonio Banderas.

OMS: So how much money do you guys rake in? I’m sure I could come in and make this a ship shape operation.

Balki: Don’t be ridiculos Omarossa? You no have to do work. Larry and I make business but we bring winnings home to you and treat you nice.

OMS: That’s not good enough for me. I want to see paperwork, stat. I need to see what kind of operation your running. I’m going to turn this place upside down.

Larry: You just wait a second Omarossa. Balki and I started this. It’s our business.

OMS: You need what every business needs.

Balki: What’s that?

OMS: A bitch runnin’ it.

Larry: You have got to dump her Balki.

OMS: You bet your bibby bobka.

END SCENE

Alright onto the Week 14 picks:

Game 1
Browns at Steelers
Men of Steel vs. Men of Brown.

Pick: Steelers

Game 2
Falcons at Buccaneers
The falcons are a fast bird. The Buccaneers are pirates. Pirates enjoy have the Birds on their shoulders and in general...or at least until one of them decides to peck on of their eyes out, forcing them to wear one of them thar patches.

Pick: Falcons

Game 3
Ravens at Chiefs
The Ravens hang around the reservation to feast on the meat that the Chiefs people leaves behind. That is to say, the Chief gets all the choice pickins.

Pick: Chiefs

Game 4
Colts at Jaguars
Colts are pretty damn fast, Jaguars are pretty damn fast. Jaguars bite.

Pick: Jaguars

Game 5
Giants at Panthers
No matter how placid the Giant is when he comes down the beanstalk most things run away or run the risk of getting stomped on. I suppose Panthers are no different unless there's a bunch of crazy military planes shooting at the Giant as well.

Pick: Giants

Game 6
Vikings at Lions
The Vikings never managed to conquer any land in Africa and it's a good thing because I have a feeling the king of the Jungle wouldn't have taken too kindly to their presence.

Pick: Lions

Game 7
Patriots at Dolphins
The Patriots don't stand a chance if the Dolphins are swimming in international waters. There's just nothing there worth fighting for.

Pick: Dolphins

Game 8
Raiders at Bengals
Normally when the Raiders invade other territories they pillage people not a bunch of hulking angry cats. Runawaaaaaaay....Runawaaaaay!

Pick: Bengals

Game 9
Eagles at Redskins
The white man has taken all of the tribes land but that does not mean the tribe has lost dominion with nature in his own home.

Pick: Redskins

Game 10
Titans at Texans
The Texans are in Texas. Home is where the heart is and as the old adage goes "Don't Mess With Texas".

Pick: Texans

Game 11
Packers at 49ers
I hear San Francisco is nice this year. Not too warm, not too cold. The Packers are prepared as they packed a nice autumn sweater and their helmets for hitting.

Pick: Packers

Game 12
Seahawks at Cardinals
In the matchup of the week one bird takes on another bird. However, the Cardinals don't have to leave their nest if they don't want to. They totally stored up enough food for 3 hours of harassment.

Pick: Cardinals

Game 13
Bills at Jets
A bunch of Bills drove 6 hours down to New York and they are exhausted. They could've flown but the Jets wouldn't let them.

Pick: Jets

Game 14
Broncos at Chargers
The Broncos are basically running into a power line this weekend, and if you remember anything your mother told you, she most certainly told you to stay away from power lines.

Pick: Chargers

Game 15
Saints at Cowboys
There are two types of people in this world, Saints and Cowboys. The Cowboys don't belong in a church and the Saints down belong on the trail. Git along little Catholic.

Pick: Cowboys

Game 16
Bears at Rams
I think every animal is fundamentally afraid of Bears.

Pick: Bears

Alright folks there you have it. The Balki System for Week 14 of the NFL season. Larry and Balki and Omarossa and Melanie Griffith wish you and your teams the best of luck.

Week 13 10-6 Season 110-82