Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Just incase you didn't read the tabloids, Balki dumped Omarossa and Melanie Griffith is back with Antonio Banderas after a brief fling with Larry Appleton. Luckily for them, Jennifer and Maryann are understanding girlfriends and knew that the new girlfriends were just a result of money going to the cousins' heads. Balki and Larry were quite successful last week, so the fact they finished 10-6 last week and continue to rake in the dough didn't hurt the girls' decision to take them back. The boys have plenty of money and they've decided to hitch their hearts to the girls that knew them before all the fame and fortune.
The following was overheard at the offices of the Balki System this week:
Balki: Oh cosin Lari. I so happy we decide to go back with the girls. I could do the dance of joy right now!
Larry: Save that for city hall after the ceremony. By the way Balki...that suit you're wearing is ridiculous.
Balki: Don't be ridiculous...This is traditional Myposian wedding garb.
Larry: Once Maryann sees you in that get up she'll run right out of city hall.
Balki: Well, before we get her to city hall we have to propose first.
Larry: Right, well here's the plan. We go over their apartment in our wedding outfits. We'll propose. They'll say yes, and then we'll go to City Hall and get married in a spontaneous manner.
Balki: What if they say no?
Larry: Do you really think they can resist this spontaneous plan?
Balki: Oh cosin Lari don't be ridiculos...of course it will work. But there is one thing we have to do beforehand.
Larry: What's that?
Balki: We must make our picks for week 15 there's a game this Thursday.
Larry: You know what, you're right. Maybe we are rushing into this. Let's stop for a second, take a deep breath, make our picks and we'll save the spontaneous thing for after the football season when we can plan it better. Are you in?
Balki: You bet your bibby bobka.
END SCENE
Alright, time for Week 15 picks...we're winding down the regular season.
Game 1
49ers at Seahawks
There's no gold in them thar hills for the 49ers but there is a lot of rain.
Pick: Seahawks
Game 2
Cowboys at Falcons
The Falcons are a fast bird but the Cowboys can rely on the speed of their horse and guns to keep the falcons at bay.
Pick: Cowboys
Game 3
Browns at Ravens
The Ravens used to be Browns and the Browns used to be nothing. The Ravens evolved. So until the Browns turn into the Ravens they'll just be Browns.
Pick: Ravens
Game 4
Lions at Packers
The Lions wandered onto the Packers loading dock which to say the least is a peculiar sight in Wisconsin. There's a reason that Lions are kings of the Jungle and not the frozen tundra.
Pick: Packers
Game 5
Texans at Patriots
This one's tough because they're very similar opponents. In the grand scheme of things this is "Don't Mess With Texas" vs. "America, Fuck Yeah!". Texas is encompassed in the latter so I say the Patriots have got more of a backing.
Pick: Patriots
Game 6
Dolphins at Bills
Dolphins belong in the Water, not in Buffalo.
Pick: Bills
Game 7
Steelers at Panthers
The Blue Collar Steelers want to put food on the table for their families but while visiting the Panthers they are the food on the table.
Pick: Panthers
Game 8
Bucs at Bears
The Pirates come to pillage the bear den unfortunately, Mr. Grizzly doesn't start hibernating for another week. Plus there's not much in the way of booty to pillage.
Pick: Bears
Game 9
Redskins at Saints
If the Native Americans are going to visit the holy christian man in his house of worship than I think the Holy Christian man has already won.
Pick:Saints
Game 10
Broncos at Cardinals
I suppose the Bucking Bronco can kick a tree so hard that the cardinal and his nest fall out of their home. That would be sad but just because it's sad doesn't mean it can't happen. Nature is cruel.
Pick: Broncos
Game 11
Eagles at Giants
The majestic Eagle flies to the top of the beanstalk and sits pridefully perched atop. The towering Giant looks down and decides that Fried Eagle would make a nice substitute for the Fried Chicken his wife forgot to make.
Pick: Giants
Game 12
Rams at Raiders
The Rams rush into Oakland's home head first and knock that door right down. What happens after...well you'll just have to read the line below where I make my pick.
Pick: Rams
Game 13
Jaguars at Titans
The mythical giants are starting to show that perhaps they're not an old Greek or Roman Wives tale and Jaguars don't exist on Mt. Olympus or wherever the damn Titans were clashing.
Pick: Titans
Game 14
Jets at Vikings
The Vikings use a antiquated attack by sea method wheras the Jets are part of a technologically advanced air strike that can be an unexpected surprise.
Pick: Jets
Game 15
Chiefs at Chargers
The Chief prays for rain and considers lightning and thunder a sign from the gods. For the Chargers, they bring the lightning alright, just consider them gods.
Pick: Chargers
Game 16
Bengals at Colts
I'll take the bengal tiger over a horsey any time. Call me crazy but that's just me. I mean did you see what those things did to Siegfriend and Roy...or was it just Siegfried? Or maybe it was just Roy.
Pick: Bengals
Alright well there you have it...The picks for Week 15. Let's hope this one is as fruitful as the last for Balki and Larry and good luck to you and your teams.
Week 14
10-6
Season
120-88
The following was overheard at the offices of the Balki System this week:
Balki: Oh cosin Lari. I so happy we decide to go back with the girls. I could do the dance of joy right now!
Larry: Save that for city hall after the ceremony. By the way Balki...that suit you're wearing is ridiculous.
Balki: Don't be ridiculous...This is traditional Myposian wedding garb.
Larry: Once Maryann sees you in that get up she'll run right out of city hall.
Balki: Well, before we get her to city hall we have to propose first.
Larry: Right, well here's the plan. We go over their apartment in our wedding outfits. We'll propose. They'll say yes, and then we'll go to City Hall and get married in a spontaneous manner.
Balki: What if they say no?
Larry: Do you really think they can resist this spontaneous plan?
Balki: Oh cosin Lari don't be ridiculos...of course it will work. But there is one thing we have to do beforehand.
Larry: What's that?
Balki: We must make our picks for week 15 there's a game this Thursday.
Larry: You know what, you're right. Maybe we are rushing into this. Let's stop for a second, take a deep breath, make our picks and we'll save the spontaneous thing for after the football season when we can plan it better. Are you in?
Balki: You bet your bibby bobka.
END SCENE
Alright, time for Week 15 picks...we're winding down the regular season.
Game 1
49ers at Seahawks
There's no gold in them thar hills for the 49ers but there is a lot of rain.
Pick: Seahawks
Game 2
Cowboys at Falcons
The Falcons are a fast bird but the Cowboys can rely on the speed of their horse and guns to keep the falcons at bay.
Pick: Cowboys
Game 3
Browns at Ravens
The Ravens used to be Browns and the Browns used to be nothing. The Ravens evolved. So until the Browns turn into the Ravens they'll just be Browns.
Pick: Ravens
Game 4
Lions at Packers
The Lions wandered onto the Packers loading dock which to say the least is a peculiar sight in Wisconsin. There's a reason that Lions are kings of the Jungle and not the frozen tundra.
Pick: Packers
Game 5
Texans at Patriots
This one's tough because they're very similar opponents. In the grand scheme of things this is "Don't Mess With Texas" vs. "America, Fuck Yeah!". Texas is encompassed in the latter so I say the Patriots have got more of a backing.
Pick: Patriots
Game 6
Dolphins at Bills
Dolphins belong in the Water, not in Buffalo.
Pick: Bills
Game 7
Steelers at Panthers
The Blue Collar Steelers want to put food on the table for their families but while visiting the Panthers they are the food on the table.
Pick: Panthers
Game 8
Bucs at Bears
The Pirates come to pillage the bear den unfortunately, Mr. Grizzly doesn't start hibernating for another week. Plus there's not much in the way of booty to pillage.
Pick: Bears
Game 9
Redskins at Saints
If the Native Americans are going to visit the holy christian man in his house of worship than I think the Holy Christian man has already won.
Pick:Saints
Game 10
Broncos at Cardinals
I suppose the Bucking Bronco can kick a tree so hard that the cardinal and his nest fall out of their home. That would be sad but just because it's sad doesn't mean it can't happen. Nature is cruel.
Pick: Broncos
Game 11
Eagles at Giants
The majestic Eagle flies to the top of the beanstalk and sits pridefully perched atop. The towering Giant looks down and decides that Fried Eagle would make a nice substitute for the Fried Chicken his wife forgot to make.
Pick: Giants
Game 12
Rams at Raiders
The Rams rush into Oakland's home head first and knock that door right down. What happens after...well you'll just have to read the line below where I make my pick.
Pick: Rams
Game 13
Jaguars at Titans
The mythical giants are starting to show that perhaps they're not an old Greek or Roman Wives tale and Jaguars don't exist on Mt. Olympus or wherever the damn Titans were clashing.
Pick: Titans
Game 14
Jets at Vikings
The Vikings use a antiquated attack by sea method wheras the Jets are part of a technologically advanced air strike that can be an unexpected surprise.
Pick: Jets
Game 15
Chiefs at Chargers
The Chief prays for rain and considers lightning and thunder a sign from the gods. For the Chargers, they bring the lightning alright, just consider them gods.
Pick: Chargers
Game 16
Bengals at Colts
I'll take the bengal tiger over a horsey any time. Call me crazy but that's just me. I mean did you see what those things did to Siegfriend and Roy...or was it just Siegfried? Or maybe it was just Roy.
Pick: Bengals
Alright well there you have it...The picks for Week 15. Let's hope this one is as fruitful as the last for Balki and Larry and good luck to you and your teams.
Week 14
10-6
Season
120-88
# posted by Evan Kessler @ 9:42 PM 
