The Balki System

The Dance of Joy is in order! The Balki System is finally getting on track with a phenomenal 11 Win 3 Loss performance in Week 5. Cousin Larry and Balki have left their log cabin hideout and no longer have to worry about the Vanucci Brothers breaking their legs. It's a regular reversal of fortune. But you can't say Balki didn't see it coming. If you read last week's post Balki predicted this would be a big week and was it ever. I guess it takes a couple of weeks for the system to work out all of the kinks. There has been a collective sigh at relieve over here at the Balki System offices as Cousin Larry and Balki returned from their gambling induced exile to make this week's picks. The following was overheard in the offices of the Balki System this week.

Larry: Boy, Balki it is good to be back.

Balki: What am I been tell you Cosin Lari...everything be work out for the best.

Larry: Yeah you know I guess you were right. You had me worried there for a bit but we're back on top and we can still think about taking Jennifer and MaryAnn to Hawaii.

Balki: You bet your bibby bobka we can.

Larry: I never should have doubted you Balk...

Balki: This is what I tell you because I am your Cosin and I would never be give you bad adwice.

Larry: Should we start packing for hawaii now?

Balki: Cosin, you can be packing but we still have many more weeks of the football season to be watching. I would no be doing the permanent dance of joy just yet.

Larry: I know I'm just excited we're out of that nasty debt.

Balki: (gravely) Cosin...There's one thing I forget to tell you last week...

Larry: What's that my masterful Myposian pigskin picking cousin?

Balki: Well in Mypos after we have very good week picking wins we usually follow it by poor performance and 11 wins is the most unlucky number of all in Mypos.

Larry: Oh great, now you tell me.

Balki: The day after my mother won 11 sheep races 11 of our chickens die.

Larry: So this means I still might get my legs broken if I bet this week?

Balki: You bet your bibby bobka!

END SCENE

Alright, Time for Week 6 Picks using the Balki System.


Game 1
Eagles at Saints

The Eagles are in God House and God's house is a dome so there's a limit on how high the Eagles can fly. Only the Saints have access to the heavens in this one.

Pick: Saints

Game 2
Seahawks at Rams
The Rams live too far inland for the Seahawks to make themselves at home. Being too far from the water, the Seahawks starve to death even if they never come into contact with the Rams.

Pick: Rams

Game 3
Giants at Falcons
The Last time the Giants went into a bird's home they proved that they can catch high flying bird's. This time should be no different since they're so big.

Pick: Giants

Game 4
Panthers at Ravens
Cats are known for their ability to climb trees. Raven's nest in trees. Is it me or are too many teams named after birds? Thank god the Browns are off this week.

Pick: Panthers

Game 5
Raiders at Broncos
The Raiders are known for Raiding people's homes but the Broncos home is a mile high. By the time the Raiders get up there they'll be out of breath and there's won't be enough air for them to catch it.

Pick: Broncos


Game 6
Bills at Lions
Bill gets eaten by a Lion plain and simple.

Pick: Lions

Game 7
Bengals at Buccaneers
Cats don't like water. The Buccaneers spend most of their time on a boat.

Pick: Buccaneers

Game 8
Texans at Cowboys
Both Texans and Cowboys hail from Texas but Texans are just people from Texas and Cowboys are cooler because they rope steer and drive herds yet still remain unfazed by the gay stigma.

Pick: Cowboys

Game 9
Titans at Redskins

The Titans are extinct descendents of gods that Native Americans didn't worship anyway.

Pick: Redskins

Game 10
Chiefs at Steelers

The Steel beast is all that remains in the place where the Chiefs used to call their home. They now have to live on a reservation in Kansas City where the white man can keep tabs on them.

Pick: Steelers

Game 11
Dolphins at Jets
Dolphins suck.

Pick: Jets

Game 12
Chargers at 49ers
If the 49ers had really been able to utilize electricity back then, there jobs would've been a whole lot easier

Pick: Chargers

Game 13
Bears at Cardinals

If we're referring to pitting a bear versus a tiny red bird, I'd have to favor the bear, but if we referring to pitting a big black bear versus a member of the clergy, well then I'd still have to take the bear,

Pick: Bears

Well there you have it. Not as descriptive as I would've liked it but sometimes writing this stuff is hard.

Anyway, here's where were are for the season

Week 5
11-3

Season
40-34


Good luck to cousin larry, balki, you, and your teams. See you in Week 7 on The Balki System.