Wednesday, October 04, 2006
After being embarrassed a week ago, Balki is inching back to moderate respectability after last week's showing. You know it's a stretch when you have to modify a word that barely notes success like "respectability" with a an adjective that hints at mediocrity like "moderate". That being said....Baby steps.
The Balki System took Larry and Balki into seclusion last weekend as they hid from the bookies that Larry has been placing his bets with. While they're not out of the woods yet, Balki and Larry are optimistic that this week is the key to not getting their legs broken.
The following was overheard at the undisclosed log cabin retreat offices of the Balki System this week:
Balki and Larry after finding out last week's results
Larry: Balki, why are you doing the dance of joy?
Balki: (singing) Dai! Dai! Dai! Dai! Oh, Hi Cosin'Larry. I am so excited! We go 7 and 7 last week.
Larry: Balki, that's not good. We didn't win, we just broke even. We still owe the Vanucci Brothers money.
Balki: Why you be so negative...In Mypos whenever you follow up a losing showing with a medium job is cause for celebrating.
Larry: Did they ever break your legs after a losing showing in Mypos?
Balki: Don't be ridiculous, they would just kill your best goat?
Larry: Well I suppose that's comparable.
Balki: Don't be so down Cosin. In Mypos, whenever we went 7 and 7 with our sheep racing picks it was considered to be being the luckiest because 7 is the luckiest number of them all. I know we will rolling in the dollars next week and we will even get back to our apartment and see the girls.
Larry: Jennifer probably hates me by now.
Balki: Get out of the city!
Larry: We are out of the city.
Balki: Oh, Cosin. Let's look at this week's games.
END SCENE
Game 1 Bills at Bears
Logic: I don't care if you're Bill Clinton, you can't reason with an angry bear.
Pick: Bears
Game 2 Browns at Panthers
Logic: What can Brown do for you? They can deliver packages to countries all over the world on-time as promised. If they delivered a package to a Panther's home and it wasn't on time though...well you can imagine what would happen from there.
Pick: Panthers
Game 3 Lions at Vikings
Logic: The Lion is the King of the Jungle. However, the Vikings are at home and nobody said what happens when Lions leave the jungle.
Pick: Vikings
Game 4 Dolphins at Patriots
Logic: The Dolphins are a fish out of water in this matchup.
Pick: Patriots
Game 5 Rams at Packers
Logic: This just in, Rams are just male sheep. People can herd sheep. Packers are people. Unfortunately, they're not shepherds, they pack things.
Pick: Rams
Game 6 Buccaneers at Saints
Logic: Argh! Them thar Buccaneers don't care if the lord be on yer' side matey. They got themselves a bottle of rum and a sword. You can pray all you want, but they're taking all of the Saints booty.
Pick: Buccaneers
Game 7 Titans at Colts
Logic: The Titans sound like a 3rd rate condom while Colt 45 is a first rate malt liquor.
Pick: Colt 45....er, Colts
Game 8 Redskins at Giants
Logic: Red Skin denotes sunburn. It hurts to touch stuff went you have sunburn. I couldn't imagine playing football with a Giant while nursing a mean sunburn.
Pick: Giants
Game 9 Chiefs at Cardinals
Logic: uh....The Tribal Chiefs eventually get tired of hunting for Titonka and sometimes prefer the lighter protein filled fare that is Roasted Cardinal
Pick: Chiefs
Game 10 Jets at Jaguars
Logic: Jaguars don't fly on Jets nor could they eat them. And if they tried they'd probably have a mighty belly ache not to mention some chipped teeth.
Pick: Jets
Game 11 Raiders at 49ers
Logic: The Raiders invade the Gold Mines of San Francisco and pillage the crap out of them, because that's what Raiders do. They raid.
Pick: Raiders
Game 12 Cowboys at Eagles
Logic: Cowboys visiting Eagles in their natural habitat are more likely to look on in awe at their majesty than attempt to harm them. They're both as American as apple pie.
Pick: Eagles
Game 13 Steelers at Chargers
Logic: I would keep steel as far away as possible from an electrical current.
Pick: Chargers
Game 14 Ravens at Broncos
Logic: Uh...This is a tough one. The Ravens are known for there "ravenous" appetite while Broncos are known for being untamed. Ravens typically feed on rotting flesh. The Broncos are not rotting flesh but they could be if they were attacked by a Lion. Luckily for the Broncos there are no Lions in this situation.
Pick: Broncos
Alright, there you have it, the picks for Week 5 of the Balki System. Balki has a Myposian hunch that this week is going to be a huge success. Perhaps you should follow Balki's lead and wager all of your hard earned dough on these picks. Cousin Larry certainly will. Hopefully, nobody ends up with their legs broken.
Week 4 Results 7-7
Season 29-31
The Balki System took Larry and Balki into seclusion last weekend as they hid from the bookies that Larry has been placing his bets with. While they're not out of the woods yet, Balki and Larry are optimistic that this week is the key to not getting their legs broken.
The following was overheard at the undisclosed log cabin retreat offices of the Balki System this week:
Balki and Larry after finding out last week's resultsLarry: Balki, why are you doing the dance of joy?
Balki: (singing) Dai! Dai! Dai! Dai! Oh, Hi Cosin'Larry. I am so excited! We go 7 and 7 last week.
Larry: Balki, that's not good. We didn't win, we just broke even. We still owe the Vanucci Brothers money.
Balki: Why you be so negative...In Mypos whenever you follow up a losing showing with a medium job is cause for celebrating.
Larry: Did they ever break your legs after a losing showing in Mypos?
Balki: Don't be ridiculous, they would just kill your best goat?
Larry: Well I suppose that's comparable.
Balki: Don't be so down Cosin. In Mypos, whenever we went 7 and 7 with our sheep racing picks it was considered to be being the luckiest because 7 is the luckiest number of them all. I know we will rolling in the dollars next week and we will even get back to our apartment and see the girls.
Larry: Jennifer probably hates me by now.
Balki: Get out of the city!
Larry: We are out of the city.
Balki: Oh, Cosin. Let's look at this week's games.
END SCENE
Game 1 Bills at Bears
Logic: I don't care if you're Bill Clinton, you can't reason with an angry bear.
Pick: Bears
Game 2 Browns at Panthers
Logic: What can Brown do for you? They can deliver packages to countries all over the world on-time as promised. If they delivered a package to a Panther's home and it wasn't on time though...well you can imagine what would happen from there.
Pick: Panthers
Game 3 Lions at Vikings
Logic: The Lion is the King of the Jungle. However, the Vikings are at home and nobody said what happens when Lions leave the jungle.
Pick: Vikings
Game 4 Dolphins at Patriots
Logic: The Dolphins are a fish out of water in this matchup.
Pick: Patriots
Game 5 Rams at Packers
Logic: This just in, Rams are just male sheep. People can herd sheep. Packers are people. Unfortunately, they're not shepherds, they pack things.
Pick: Rams
Game 6 Buccaneers at Saints
Logic: Argh! Them thar Buccaneers don't care if the lord be on yer' side matey. They got themselves a bottle of rum and a sword. You can pray all you want, but they're taking all of the Saints booty.
Pick: Buccaneers
Game 7 Titans at Colts
Logic: The Titans sound like a 3rd rate condom while Colt 45 is a first rate malt liquor.
Pick: Colt 45....er, Colts
Game 8 Redskins at Giants
Logic: Red Skin denotes sunburn. It hurts to touch stuff went you have sunburn. I couldn't imagine playing football with a Giant while nursing a mean sunburn.
Pick: Giants
Game 9 Chiefs at Cardinals
Logic: uh....The Tribal Chiefs eventually get tired of hunting for Titonka and sometimes prefer the lighter protein filled fare that is Roasted Cardinal
Pick: Chiefs
Game 10 Jets at Jaguars
Logic: Jaguars don't fly on Jets nor could they eat them. And if they tried they'd probably have a mighty belly ache not to mention some chipped teeth.
Pick: Jets
Game 11 Raiders at 49ers
Logic: The Raiders invade the Gold Mines of San Francisco and pillage the crap out of them, because that's what Raiders do. They raid.
Pick: Raiders
Game 12 Cowboys at Eagles
Logic: Cowboys visiting Eagles in their natural habitat are more likely to look on in awe at their majesty than attempt to harm them. They're both as American as apple pie.
Pick: Eagles
Game 13 Steelers at Chargers
Logic: I would keep steel as far away as possible from an electrical current.
Pick: Chargers
Game 14 Ravens at Broncos
Logic: Uh...This is a tough one. The Ravens are known for there "ravenous" appetite while Broncos are known for being untamed. Ravens typically feed on rotting flesh. The Broncos are not rotting flesh but they could be if they were attacked by a Lion. Luckily for the Broncos there are no Lions in this situation.
Pick: Broncos
Alright, there you have it, the picks for Week 5 of the Balki System. Balki has a Myposian hunch that this week is going to be a huge success. Perhaps you should follow Balki's lead and wager all of your hard earned dough on these picks. Cousin Larry certainly will. Hopefully, nobody ends up with their legs broken.
Week 4 Results 7-7
Season 29-31
# posted by Evan Kessler @ 5:51 PM 
