Thursday, October 26, 2006
Balki has outdone himself once again...sure this week he just barely squeaked out a winning record but nonetheless three straight weeks with a winning record is nothing to shake a sheep at. People from around the world are checking in with the Balki System after the string of upsets he predicted last week. Who else predicted that the Bucs, Vikings, Packers, Bengals and Giants would all win last week. You'd be hard pressed to find an expert who could lay claim to such clairvoyance.
Psychic abilities aside...Larry is so confident about Balki's method that he's thinking of making Balki teach his method in a class at the Learning Annex. Teaching offers aside, Balki would rather just go on a picnic with MaryAnn, he doesn't see what all the hubbub is about.
The Following was overheard at the Balki System offices:
Balki: Cosin' Larry, I go on picnic with MaryAnn today.
Larry: No, Balki, you can't. We've gotta pitch your system as a class to the learning annex.
Balki: Don't be ridiculous. I only teach the system for you so we make maney and we share our weenings with the girls. I don't want to make a quick buck off some sad sheep.
Larry: Balki, we can take this thing far. You can get people following your method and we could write a book and get totally rich.
Balki: Cosin' I think you are letting this money go to your head...
Larry: Listen Balki, don't mess this up for me. I'm the guy who took you in even though I have no idea who you actually are.
Balki: Ok cousin, now you have started to hurt my feelings. In Mypos, when someone hurts someone's feeling we apologize and let the person kick us in the tenticles.
Larry: Well you're not kicking me in the tenticles. You're going to sit right down and make these picks so we can keep getting rich. (Grabs Balki by the arm)
Balki: Cosin' Larry get out of the city, you are hurting me.
Larry: Sit down, and make us some money.
Balki: (crying) Cosin' why you so mean to me...
Larry: Your my cash cow, Mypos...Now get to work.
Balki: Oh cosin' (crying) You are being ridiculous...I no longer do the dance of joy only the dance of sadness. I will never make picks again.
Larry: What? Uh...Okay...Sorry Balki...I may have said things I didn't mean. I got a little out of hand... I'm sorry. You're my cousin and I love you.
Balki and Larry Make Nice
Balki: Oh cousin Larry you mean that.
Larry: I'm sorry I hurt you.
Balki: Okay, I make picks now, then I go meet MaryAnn.
Larry: Excellent, pick us some winners.
END SCENE Week 8 Picks Game 1 Cardinals at Packers
The Cardinals fly into the Packers home which is all just a bunch of boxes on a loading dock. The Cardinals have no branches to perch on. It would be another thing if they were playing The Trees.
Pick: Packers
Game 2 Falcons at Bengals
Instance #2832 of Birds versus Cats this season and usually I just give it to the big aggressive cat, even if the bird is a fast agressive bird like a falcon just because I'm more scared of Bengal tigers than falcons.
Pick: Falcons
Game 3 Ravens at Saints
Again a bird flies into God's house and pesters the righteous ones but alas the Bird can not escape without a little mercy.
Pick: Saints
Game 4 Texans at Titans
We're not in Texas anymore...We're in Tennessee.
Pick: Titans
Game 5 Jaguars at Eagles
Cats and birds, Cats and birds, cats and birds. Wow, This is no Sylvester and Tweety matchup. These Eagles have some serious Talons and as to paraphrase John Ashcroft...Those Eagles can soar.
Pick: Eagles
Game 6 Seahawks at Chiefs
Chief is expert with arrow. Shoots down strange bird not native to these lands.
Pick: Chiefs
Game 7 49ers at Bears
I think we've settled on this at this point that no matter who enters the bear's den, they're pretty much dead meat.
Pick: Bears
Game 8 Bucs at Giants
Them Thar Bucs get off their pirate ship and head up the beanstalk where the only treasure is the some freeze dried vegetables.
Pick: Giants
Game 9 Rams at Chargers
When Rams run into power lines I'd say they're pretty vulnerable to electrocution.
Pick: Chargeres
Game 10 Colts at Broncos
Horsey Bowl 2006. The Colts open the door do the Bucking Broncos home stable and get kicked in the face.
Pick: Broncos
Game 11 Jets at Browns
Once again the color Brown loses. This time to technology.
Pick: Jets
Game 12 Steelers at Raiders
The Raiders are Stealers, but the Steelers aren't Raiders. The Raiders steal this one at home.
Pick: Raiders
Game 13 Cowboys at Panthers
Mmm, Cowboy meat taste good to the big, fierce cats.
Pick: Panthers
Game 14 Patriots at Vikings
When you're on the high seas, no one cares which country is your favorite.
Pick: Vikings
There you have it...The picks for week 8. Balki's been winning so I would heed his word would I were you. But I'm not you so you do what you want.
Week 6 Pick 7-6 Season 58-42
Psychic abilities aside...Larry is so confident about Balki's method that he's thinking of making Balki teach his method in a class at the Learning Annex. Teaching offers aside, Balki would rather just go on a picnic with MaryAnn, he doesn't see what all the hubbub is about.
The Following was overheard at the Balki System offices:
Balki: Cosin' Larry, I go on picnic with MaryAnn today.
Larry: No, Balki, you can't. We've gotta pitch your system as a class to the learning annex.
Balki: Don't be ridiculous. I only teach the system for you so we make maney and we share our weenings with the girls. I don't want to make a quick buck off some sad sheep.
Larry: Balki, we can take this thing far. You can get people following your method and we could write a book and get totally rich.
Balki: Cosin' I think you are letting this money go to your head...
Larry: Listen Balki, don't mess this up for me. I'm the guy who took you in even though I have no idea who you actually are.
Balki: Ok cousin, now you have started to hurt my feelings. In Mypos, when someone hurts someone's feeling we apologize and let the person kick us in the tenticles.
Larry: Well you're not kicking me in the tenticles. You're going to sit right down and make these picks so we can keep getting rich. (Grabs Balki by the arm)
Balki: Cosin' Larry get out of the city, you are hurting me.
Larry: Sit down, and make us some money.
Balki: (crying) Cosin' why you so mean to me...
Larry: Your my cash cow, Mypos...Now get to work.
Balki: Oh cosin' (crying) You are being ridiculous...I no longer do the dance of joy only the dance of sadness. I will never make picks again.
Larry: What? Uh...Okay...Sorry Balki...I may have said things I didn't mean. I got a little out of hand... I'm sorry. You're my cousin and I love you.
Balki and Larry Make NiceBalki: Oh cousin Larry you mean that.
Larry: I'm sorry I hurt you.
Balki: Okay, I make picks now, then I go meet MaryAnn.
Larry: Excellent, pick us some winners.
END SCENE Week 8 Picks Game 1 Cardinals at Packers
The Cardinals fly into the Packers home which is all just a bunch of boxes on a loading dock. The Cardinals have no branches to perch on. It would be another thing if they were playing The Trees.
Pick: Packers
Game 2 Falcons at Bengals
Instance #2832 of Birds versus Cats this season and usually I just give it to the big aggressive cat, even if the bird is a fast agressive bird like a falcon just because I'm more scared of Bengal tigers than falcons.
Pick: Falcons
Game 3 Ravens at Saints
Again a bird flies into God's house and pesters the righteous ones but alas the Bird can not escape without a little mercy.
Pick: Saints
Game 4 Texans at Titans
We're not in Texas anymore...We're in Tennessee.
Pick: Titans
Game 5 Jaguars at Eagles
Cats and birds, Cats and birds, cats and birds. Wow, This is no Sylvester and Tweety matchup. These Eagles have some serious Talons and as to paraphrase John Ashcroft...Those Eagles can soar.
Pick: Eagles
Game 6 Seahawks at Chiefs
Chief is expert with arrow. Shoots down strange bird not native to these lands.
Pick: Chiefs
Game 7 49ers at Bears
I think we've settled on this at this point that no matter who enters the bear's den, they're pretty much dead meat.
Pick: Bears
Game 8 Bucs at Giants
Them Thar Bucs get off their pirate ship and head up the beanstalk where the only treasure is the some freeze dried vegetables.
Pick: Giants
Game 9 Rams at Chargers
When Rams run into power lines I'd say they're pretty vulnerable to electrocution.
Pick: Chargeres
Game 10 Colts at Broncos
Horsey Bowl 2006. The Colts open the door do the Bucking Broncos home stable and get kicked in the face.
Pick: Broncos
Game 11 Jets at Browns
Once again the color Brown loses. This time to technology.
Pick: Jets
Game 12 Steelers at Raiders
The Raiders are Stealers, but the Steelers aren't Raiders. The Raiders steal this one at home.
Pick: Raiders
Game 13 Cowboys at Panthers
Mmm, Cowboy meat taste good to the big, fierce cats.
Pick: Panthers
Game 14 Patriots at Vikings
When you're on the high seas, no one cares which country is your favorite.
Pick: Vikings
There you have it...The picks for week 8. Balki's been winning so I would heed his word would I were you. But I'm not you so you do what you want.
Week 6 Pick 7-6 Season 58-42
# posted by Evan Kessler @ 9:34 PM 
